Create a satirical opinion piece on the obsession with “disruptive” tech startups. Focus on the absurdity of how [company]'s latest is marketed as revolutionary, when it’s simply a slightly different take on existing technology. Incorporate humor around the typical startup culture clichés—over-the-top office perks, jargon-filled pitches, and investor buzzwords. The article should poke fun at the way these startups manage to convince investors that something as simple as a new app can change the world.